Caramel And Devin

Upon learning that we lived near each other in our small northern New Jersey suburb at the beginning of the school year, we began walking to and from school together, eventually developing an easy, comfortable comradeship. We talked about everything, but my physical attraction to him was something I chose to keep to myself since I hadn’t yet come to terms with the fact that I might be bisexual. I’d always considered myself to be purely heterosexual, so my attraction really surprised and alarmed me.

I was quite certain that Devin was one the prettiest boy I’d ever met in my life. He had a thin, angular body and a certain feminine air about him combined with a look of rare serenity for someone so young. His demeanor was
one of quiet reserve, except for when he spoke about a subject that fascinated him. Then, his features would become animated with a lively intelligence which I found terribly appealing. I sometimes wondered if he’d ever experimented with makeup or feminine clothing, but of course, I couldn’t just come right out and ask him that. Instead, I just made use of every opportunity I had to just look at him without appearing in awe of him or love-struck.

His androgynous looks amazed me; pretty eyes as blue as a cloudless sky, fine aquiline nose and a wide, sensuous mouth , the edges of which were always upturned in just a trace of a smile. With his longish blonde hair curling crisply over his temples and high cheekbones, he reminded me of some of the flattest waif models that were so popular in the early 70s whose images graced the pages I’d seen in my mom’s issues of Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. I’ve never any racial preference but thought our contrast would be pretty sexy, skin-to-skin.

The first time we made small talk in homeroom, I was acutely aware of the way his sexy, narrow eyes lingered over my face and body, not just once but two and three times. Could he be attracted to me, too? I wondered. I was so glad that we’d both chosen to sit at the very back desks of the room, where no one would notice how I allowed my eyes to drink in the sight of him when I thought he wouldn’t notice.