Whatever Your Heart Desires

I opened the browser, clicked on Favorites, then clicked the link to the bank's web site. The bill paying took about five minutes. I was about to close the browser when a thought occurred to me, something that had subconsciously registered while scanning the Favorites directory tree. I clicked on Favorites again and there it was; a folder named Dark Desires. Be honest. Wouldn't you be curious enough to want to know what such a folder might contain? I was.

After about twenty minutes, I called the office to say I wouldn't be in that day. After that, I browsed the bookmarked websites for a couple of hours. Danny had set up the subscription sites for automatic login, so I was able to surf their content freely. There were several story sites bookmarked. Some of the story and author links were highlighted, indicating he had recently accessed them. I read those first. Acting on a hunch, I browsed Danny's Documents folder next. That provided enough reading material for several more hours. Eventually, I tired of staring at the screen. I set up the Favorites and Documents folders to be shared across accounts, shut down the computer, and went out for some fresh air.

At least, now I knew. That the situation existed, and other women had had to face it, was not exactly news. I had just never had to confront it before on a personal level. After reading the stories and browsing members' forums, I also had a wide spectrum of the reactions of other women facing similar situations.

More often than not, the first reaction of these women was a sense of betrayal. I could see their point, but for some reason, could not share it. Glass houses, I thought at first; I was in no position to cast the first stone. Unlike me, if Danny was guilty of anything, it was a sin of omission; something he hadn't revealed about his ‘dark desires'. Other women had used that easy excuse to gain a sense of moral superiority, regardless of their own transgressions. I wasn't ‘other women' – and recognized the cop-out for what it was.